An open letter to The San Francisco Giants

I am a Dodgers fan. Have been all my life. This fact insinuates one blaring reality. I hate you. Well I do. But it is getting kinda hard to keep up my hatred for a team that very well may lose 100 games for the first time in their history. I want to hate you like I did when you lost in awesome fashion to the Angels in the Series. I want to mock you. But alas you take all the fun out of it.

In fact I want you to get better. I really do. Every time I boo you I feel like a bully picking on a paraplegic one armed hooker with a nasty bout of syphilis. In effect you are completely useless. I keep checking the ESPN sports wire to see if Sabean has signed on Timmy and Jimmy to run the middle of the infield.

But before you call me racist, I have a friend that is a Giants fan. He related to me that their season was really resting on Kevin Frandsen and it was tough when he went down. I will neglect to tout that fact in deference to the Giants ineptitude and instead focus on the Giants four spot slugger, Bengie Molina. The man did have a magical year last year and posted a career high 19 home runs. But I do have to believe that 19 solo shots with no one on base this year is not going to do it for the Bay Area. Can’t you guys get a person from the stands to throw up some of the same numbers you put on the field. Promotion Idea? Just think about it.

Question: Is Brian Sabean choosing his team by randomly selecting baseball cards? Maybe he is trying to get the attendance so low he can move the team to Miami. Perhaps his next signings will be of the Pedro Cerrano or Tom Berenger ilk. Well I say Kudos as long as Lethal Weapon 2’s Rene Russo is thrown into the mix.


I want to reach out to my friends from the foggy North. I want you to be good enough to ridicule. As it is, I kinda feel bad hating you. How about I say I don’t Like you very much and we can call it at that for the season. Please get well soon.

Love,

Gabe

P.S. Go get ’em guys. YAY! YOU GUYS! All right!!!

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