Bits of Tid

Giants shore up their bullpen

Let me lead off with Barry Zito in our “fallen” heroes section. Barry Zito was demoted to reliever status this week. We can now finally say that the Giants paid $126 million for the likes of Mark Hendrickson. Wait, no, Hendrickson can still throw a fast ball. Zito called this “a bump in the road.” He failed to accurately describe it as a huge fucking mountain like bump. At least he has a few more innings to play his guitar. Can we all just go back to that magical day the giants signed their Cy Young award winning mop up guy?

I wouldn’t be surprised if Brian Sabean was in talks with Mike Hampton to fill the role left by Zito.

Please Sit Down

Carlos Delgado was apathetically addressing claims that he straight dissed the fans on Monday night. You see Charles doesn’t see fit to come out and wave his little hat to fans unless something spectacular happens. Well the fact that you got two hits on Monday and they were both home runs is reason for celebration. In fact, I believe they should have stopped the game and brought out the podium for a proper ovation. Delgado does have a sense of humor. In reacting to proper ovation etiquette, “Am I going to stay out there until they start booing?” He failed to add, “like tomorrow when I go 0 for 5.”

Little Lady Killer

Speaking of once great athletes, Roger Clemens is in more trouble this week. You see Roger had a relationship in 1998 with then 15 year old Mindy McCready. He claims that he just wanted to befriend this sweet karaoke singer. Why would you want to be a friend to a 15 year old girl? What engaging conversations could you possibly have had with your new bff? Did your Red Sox teammate really allow you to hit on a 15-year old?

Well the deal didn’t work out for poor old Mindy as she went on to marry a wife beater and did a lot of drugs. This comes as no surprise as I probably would be addicted to a lot of things if Roger Clemens was inside me when I was a teenager. In fact I would probably look a lot like this…

Yes, this is indeed Mindy McCready

Play Dead

In this week’s edition of I saw that coming, Pat Riley retires again from coaching. He was quoted as saying “I’m excited about today and moving forward and building this franchise back to where we can be proud of it.” He failed to include, “until we get to a place where we are good enough to make a run at the finals, in which case I will fire whatever coach we have and take over.” This douchebag is renowned for overworking his players yet fold whenever he is in dire circumstances.

At the end of this abysmal season he stepped away from the Heat bench to go on scouting trips. Isn’t that what scouts are for? Long trips away from the headache you made is just the way to flourish your hall of fame image.

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