Worst Night of His Life

This is not the title to my worst night ever. To the contrary it was at worst an uncomfortable situation for me. This was the worst night for him, the both of hims. I was about to take away an only daughter and lone sister for good. And I had the balls to be excited about it. I would be asking for my girlfriend’s hand in marriage.

There I sat in the living room I had sat in a number of times before. About to ask a question I had dreaded from the moment I first met my girlfriend’s father. You see, to my girlfriend her father is a teddy bear. A soft protector that could be coddled into submission with a simple embrace from his princess.

To me, he was a mythical ruthless killer about to explode in a rage of random violence. At least that was how I saw things moments prior to me asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage. So I beat around the bush. I beat the crap out of that bush. I was genius. I went from the weather to Los Angeles infrastructure to proper ways to mulch and liven one’s garden. But soon there was a pause.

“Ok. Let me go get Mrs. Girlfriend’s mom.” The trained assassin said before exiting the room. I sat. I rehearsed. I looked at the door once, maybe twice.

I went for the band-aid approach. I stuttered out what must have sounded like “your daughter good…me like…please want.”

The father was stunned. What he was hoping for in a nice night of pleasant banter turned into the equivalent of me asking for both his kidneys and a lung.

While the father looked at me with a glare of a man trying to remember where he last placed his shiv, I heard from her mother cries of joy. I in turn was, relieved. Mom was happy! Yay! Father was warming. But then I remembered…brother.

Brother is the nicest guy in the world. But in my head, as I waited for him to get home from work, he was a hardened pugilist that was trained in the fine arts of dumping bodies and leaving no trace. But again my fears went unfulfilled.

I left that night feeling welcomed. I couldn’t be more excited to be a part of such a loving and caring family.

Oh yeah, now I have to ask the girlfriend.


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