Category: Life

9:45 – Show up at friend’s house

9:46 – You are made Designated Driver of the night by a controversial game of “Superman, Superman fly away.”

9:46 – You really want to drink beer, badly.

9:48 – Friends invent new drinking game that is both awesome and easy to understand.

9:55 – You make a case to stay in the night while your friends make fun of your lazy nipple. You immediately regret taking off your shirt at the request of your friends.

10:03 – The rowdiness level has gone up steadily every second you entered the house. Your friends are now annoying to anyone not drunk.

10:04 – You are now packed in a car with your friends.

10:04 – The smell of fart permeates from the back of the automobile. Surprisingly not funny to you.

10:15 – Destination reached.

10:25 – It should obviously be 12:00 but your watch and the time of others clearly shows 10:25.

10:30 – You have entered a time zone where time does not actually move forward but for the slightest increments.

10:33 – The thought of getting drunk and totally screwing your friends over crosses your mind. You would absolutely go through with the plan if only you were drunk enough to go through with it.

11:15 – You finish the beer you have been nursing for the past hour. Your friend Mike is now grinding your other friend Paul as Mike’s girlfriend looks on in horror. You try to explain that Sexy Back is on and well, that’s kinda what they do…

11:25 – You have now given up on time and try to convince your self that you are having a good time.

11:25 – You realize you are not having a good time.

11:34 – Still not having a good time.

11:45 – “No man I don’t have to drink to have a good time.”

11:45 – You must drink to have a good time.

12:00 – Last call in two hours. Solitary tear rolls down cheek.

12:15 – Friend Mike almost pukes then passes out. You hold back the cheers and help him out the door.

12:25 – With Mike passed out in the back you take the “brahs” on a late night eating run.

12:45 – This normally tastes good when I am drunk…

1:15 – Friends out of your car, mission accomplished, on your way home!

1:15 – Your car still smells like farts…

A poem in no discernible meter or rhyme scheme
by Gabriel Vincent Zaldivar

When your head touched my pillow you fell asleep;
and I looked at you from the foot of the bed, so tender, so sweet.
Everything was well between you and I,
especially now that you passed out from drinking too much Skyy.

I took off my shirt, followed by pants, and ate two Tums like I always do.
As always your sleeping face was cute, even with the glimmer of drool.
I slipped into sleep though I felt something was not right,
something was a miss, I would not enjoy the whole night.

Suddenly I awoke, much later than before.
I knew right from the gurgles and how my stomach was sore
Nothing could change my feeling, nothing uttered, nothing said.
I shouldn’t have eaten that burrito before bed!

I tried to go back to sleep, ignore it for my sweetheart.
I can’t help it though. This room smells like burrito farts!
How can you sleep my dear when my bottom is on the brink?
I mean seriously, How much did you fucking drink?

So I bolt up without warning and dash to the head
I should have remembered to take a shit before bed.
There I am, in the dark, ready to pass out sitting.
Stay awake! It’s your own fault your shitting.

If it were up to me life would be so sweet
and at fifteen past eleven I wouldn’t have to eat.
But as it were, before sleep I must be fed.
Ah, it is so romantic that you are still passed out in my bed.