Author: gabezal

Bring it On: Fight to the Finish – A Compendium

by gabezal, posted in Life, Movies

I had the pleasure of watching the last half of Bring it On: Fight to the Finish the other night. Normally you would want to watch an entire movie before committing to a review. I will make a special case for ‘Fight to the Finish.’

Bring it On is a series of movies that fills that oft overlooked niche of high school cheerleaders and their tireless efforts to not only “bring it” but “bring it on.” The latest foray into this world finds Catalina Cruz, played admirably by Christina Milian, leaving “East Los” for the confines of an upscale West Los Angeles high school.

This classic fish out of water tale pits Catalina (Lina) against the posh high schools resident superstar of a dance squad, Avery.

Much like the above clip. The movie is really summed up in two or three two-minute segments where the writers decided to throw in a story. This is why watching only half the movie wasn’t really a problem. But my favorite part of this film is not the superficiality but the overt stereotypes. That’s what makes this movie so fun.

Bring it On: Fight to the Finish doesn’t have a tag line. If it did I am sure the producers would have gone with “Latinos are Spicy.” There is a scene where the white girls at the “rich” school follow Lina to “East Los” to find their rhythm. Once there, a whole block party ensues where all flavors of people are dancing like hot peppers. I tried to find a clip of this but Youtube has not yet finished putting up all the awesome videos in the world.

In another quite spectacular scene we meet Victor, a friend of Lina and her counterparts. He hails from the same neighborhood in East LA. He too is spicy. He too has a thick ghetto accent. He too is unable to articulate his thoughts without moving his head. I would normally not be offended by all of this if not for the fact that it was being broadcast on ABC FAMILY. Yes, so Suzy Smith from Bloomington runs to her mommy and says, “Mommy I saw a movie about the Latinos in their habitat. They don’t speak so well and like cars that go up and down. Oh and they love to dance.” Put this on Comedy Central and you have sold me.

The one saving grace of all this is that the ghetto dancers from the hood end up sprinkling rhythm dust on the Ivy leaguers. With that they beat Avery at her on dancing game. Which brings me to the second tag line of “Sometimes in life you need a little chili in order to take down the evil ice queen.” That tag line does seem a bit long but then again so did the movie. Burn.

Figure Skating Takes Hold

by gabezal, posted in Life, Sports

The Winter Olympics started this weekend and women all over the world lost their shit. In what can only be described as a mix of a Taylor Swift concert with a Twilight premier combined with Brad Pitt sensibilities, Couples Figure Skaters engaged in the short program this weekend.

Husbands, boyfriends, and overzealous single men will be forced to “pay attention to how graceful that is” for the next fortnight. Known to some as the World Cup for Vaginas, Figure Skating is rocking the foundation of what is normal in everyday society.

Many men find they may feel like complete idiots for the next week or so. With no idea of how figure skaters are scored, men are relegated to such phrases as:

“Wow.”

“They really stuck that landing.”

“I can see that guy’s package.”

“Isn’t’ Project Runway on?”

Meanwhile, women will relay that that “Zayak Rule” disallows skaters from repeating the same triple or quadruple jump continuously in their free skating program.

Well, I have to go now. My petite female counterpart just polished off the last chicken wing and went into the bathroom with the Sunday paper. I’m off to do the dishes now. She doesn’t appreciate what I do around here anymore.

I can’t wait for baseball season.

Holla at yo Gout

by gabezal, posted in Life

As I mentioned in a previous post I hurt my toe somehow. Apparently, it was from years and years of eating meat and drinking beer. So I developed Gout.

The past few days I have been asked how you get gout. Well it’s from being a fat ass. As if the smell of my chafing thighs and over sized t-shirts weren’t a dead give away, I now have gout to illustrate that I don’t take care of myself.

I am particularly stoked with the gout in that I have to actually explain it. I mean with adult onset diabetes and a milk shake in hand people don’t usually ask the how’s and why’s. With gout its a brief description of my man tits followed by me pointing to my sore toe.

I always thought I would have a heart attack first, but no, I get a sore toe. I mean a heart attack is at least something people can have sympathy for. People visit you after a heart attack. People stare at you strangely with gout. Not quite the same.

Oh and I do need to explain that its not a sore toe in the sense that sore is the correct description. If there was a word that meant “felt like all the pain in the world was being placed inside a tiny joint while evil men beat up your mother and destroyed your Xbox in front of you and then called you saggy balls” then I would have used that word. As it is I will use sore. At one point I thought about boiling a pot of oil and submerging my nipple in it just to get my mind of of the whole thing. So if you see me on the street give me a hug. I may just be in pain.

The Do Ron-Ron

by gabezal, posted in Sports

If you’re anything like me you have been waiting patiently for a blow up from Ron Artest. We were almost treated to one late last week. Ron-Ron took offense to being held up by Joey Graham and almost socked his face.

The above clip is particularly delightful for a number of reasons. My favorites are as follows:

Joel Myers reaction of “ooo” when Artest spun and fired the haymaker is priceless. In that instant he was really saying. “No Ron, for the love of god they will suspend you for the entire season!”

But what is magical is the debate between Stu Lantz, the color commentator for the Lakers and Joel Myers on why there was a technical. When Myers fails to illustrate that almost hitting someone with a closed fist isn’t enough, they decide it’s the playful shove of the face that did it in the end.

Either way I am now glued to the TV for every game, as I am sure Artest is one ticky-tack foul away from going mailman on everyone.

Toe Jam

by gabezal, posted in Life

So somehow I hurt my toe yesterday. It could have been the impromptu football session in the afternoon or it could be early onset old age. Either way, I awoke this morning by a severe pain in my right big toe. Those that know me will rightly assume that I tried with all my will to go back to bed. A good nap after all is only second to a good buffet in my book.

Well the toe pain was too intense to sleep and I later found too intense to walk or drive so I stayed home.

The funniest part of the day was when I stubbed the already injured toe on a shoe in my bedroom. I took the next ten minutes to chastise the shoe for being a fucking idiot.

Runner-up was the reaction my boss had to me telling him I hurt my toe. Honestly, who calls in with a toe injury. I almost thought of faking a rotator-cuff pull but then thought better of it. So here I am one shoe on, one shoe off, knee deep in pain killers.

The true shit of the matter is I have ice cream in the fridge but I can’t walk to go get it. Sometimes I really do believe there is a god, because this just too good to be coincidence.

LOST

by gabezal, posted in Life, TV

Today everyone is losing their shit. I can see the reason to a point. Lost is a great show but the premise is starting to wear thin with me. A show that makes me feel like a five year-old after every episode, sign me up! I’m asking the most inane questions ten minutes later. Why is there a polar bear on the island? Why does the island move? Why does Sawyer get to bang everyone? How come I can smell Hugo from here? Oh, thats me.

Despite my frustrations LOST has proven that Science Fiction can rule the ratings if you use it in moderation and overlay every episode in more secrets than discoveries.

I go into this season with little to no hopes that any questions will actually be answered. That way I can come out of this in 16 weeks with a smile and knowledge that the writers did not best my expectations. In all reality, I will most likely be cursing at the TV as vital plot points are ignored and Sawyer defiles another Lostee. Maybe Rose, the country needs it.

Oops

by gabezal, posted in Life

I fell in love about 11 years ago. It was the beginning of my freshman year of college so I may have been drunk. It could also have very well been love. I met a girl that put up with my drunken debacles, food binges, confusing meanderings, and so on. I gained a good 60 pounds since I first laid eyes on her. Whose fault that is is still up for debate, but the fact that she is as gorgeous as the day I met her is not open for conjecture.

So what happened? Well responsible waiting turned into static emotions which turned into a brief break-up a couple of years back. I call this the dark years while she cleverly refers to this as a welcomed sigh of relief. As fate would have it I found myself on bended knee at a Southern California beach near midnight on December 19th, 2009.

I did not trip or stumble but fell. I fell 11 years ago and it took me over a decade to take a knee. So it begins. My short journey to matrimony. I hope to keep you up-to-date with what I am sure will be a carefree campaign to bliss.

Sakura’s

by gabezal, posted in Food

Sometimes a dish can get overlooked when a restaurant specializes in other faire. The Huevos Racheros at El Tepeyac is probably the best breakfast dish in Los Angeles. It gets overlooked sadly because the place makes such great burritos. The “Godmother” sandwich from Bay Cities in Santa Monica is lauded as a crucial stop for all of those craving a delicious sandwich. Yet many would bypass a simple fresh loaf of bread from the place. The warm batch held in the back of the store is a must stop and grab.

I had the pleasure of stopping by one of the better sushi joints Culver City. Sakura’s on Centinela hardly ever misses with their sushi. But I was forced to order off the main menu this time as I was told they also had one of the better bowls of Ramen in town.

They do. The Tanmen is a cure all for what might ail you. It is an amalgamation of stir-fried beef, chicken, shrimp, pork, veggies, and ramen, Where other places make you choose your protein Sakura’s demands that you try to figure out which is your favorite. By the end of the meal I was still unsure so I must order this dish time and again until I figure it out.

The Flying Pig

by gabezal, posted in Food

A few years back it would be that a truck serving food on the street had either burgers, tacos, burritos, or greasy fish sandwiches that assured you a couple of sick days from work. Times and options have changed. Many already know the bounty of flavors that fall onto the curb at various Kogi Taco trucks. But I was recently able to try a new culinary coach.

The Flying Pig is, well, cute. The truck is pink and light blue and adorned with flying pigs . The staff is welcoming and the food delightful. Their mantra reads on the side of the truck “The perfect blend of Asian & Pacific Rim flavors with French technique.” I must admit I was wary. You just don’t find solid food stuff at pink locales. It may be an unwritten rule but it should probably be inscribed somewhere.

But I liked it. I understand delightful may not be the best way to describe some food experiences but it is spot on in this case. I even had a slight smirk after finishing my meal. This mostly had to do with the food. But it partially had to do with the fact that I was not suffering from the stomach pains that usually accompany a trip to the local taco truck.

The braised pork belly is served as most Korean style steamed buns, open face. This meant two things: the bun was attractive. The pork sat tucked away in the folds of the soft dough and the pink colors of the onion escabeche poked out. The bun was also fun to eat. Because it was opened on one side it was like a puffy taco with sweet Korean-style meat inside.

I continued with a “snack” of crab balls that, to my enjoyment, tasted a great deal like crab. In fact the crab taste rather overpowered the accompanying chimchurri. Now I could not stop at a taco truck and not get a taco. I opted for the spicy pork. It was good. The meat was prepared well and seasoned properly. Yet the tortilla was a bit greasy and not soft nor was it hard. It found itself in taco shell purgatory. In this instance the tacos are better elsewhere. But all in all it was well worth the stop. As an added bonus I had to wait all of five seconds to order as opposed to the Kogi taco soup lines that take hours to get through.